this is how it is...

I found this draft from two years ago. Publishing it now:

It's been almost a year and a half since I've written. Sean is 6. Gia is 4. My guilt over not writing is almost insurmountable: the time is gone. My soul hurts at the thought of these memories combined into a blur. When was the final time I squeezed Sean into the double stroller? Christmastime, I think. We had a good laugh over his long legs hanging over the bar. I tell myself: this is how it is...maybe other mothers have it more together (scrapbooking?!)

Sean is in kindergarten and can read and do math. He plays x-box and I'm sure knows more about computers than I do. Gia is sweet little lady whose mood can turn on a dime. She has one more year of half days at Montessori and then I will have my day to myself. I am horrified by this thought. I feel out of place going to the supermarket or the mall without a child in tow. How does one experience empty nest when the nest is full? Leave it to me. I've been out of the 'work' force for 6 years now. I don't know what I am good at anymore. I don't know who is going to hire me with such a gap in my resume. I have managed to record some of my music for a cd. So I can tell myself I'm an artist.

Gia is obsessed with Frozen, Brave, and Little Mermaid. I had hopes of not going the princess route, but here we are. She is a princess. 

No one ever talks about fighting with their children. 

Nature's Classroom

Let's not mention the fact that I haven't written a thing in four years. Maybe it's just too painful to write. Last night I remembered this blog and re-read some of the posts I'd written. I was in tears, mostly because I was missing my 6 and 8 year olds as babies, and also from the regret of letting any of the other memories that I could've documented slip away. When I expressed this to Eric, he said well you wrote some stuff and now write more. Well said, science man. Sometimes I appreciate his non-emotional responses.
I'm compelled to write because Sean is leaving in a few days on his first 3 day excursion with his classmates to Nature's Classroom. That's two nights sleeping somewhere else. That's two mornings of no one to remind him a dozen times to brush his teeth.
I started this post awhile ago. We got through Nature's Classroom just fine. Sean came home wearing what I sent him there in. He didn't change his clothes. The entire time. Needless to say, there was not a lot of laundry to do when he returned, safe and sound.