"winning"

Last night Sean woke up for what seemed like the hundreth time, and I went in. He said he was afraid of his animals (I have offered to remove the life sized giraffe, tiger and zebra from his room before). He is, in fact, not afraid of these animals because he screams when I actually make a move to do so and states that he loves them. Really, he is just looking for any kind of conversation. If the wake-ups revolve around peeing or a getting a drink of water (valid reasons) the process is usually expedient. But when he calls my name to get me out of bed to have his back rubbed again (the last step in his night time routine) or something else (like the animals or just to talk) and I tell him calmly I'm going back to bed and goodnight he starts getting loud and crying and pitches a fit. I try to be patient during the first few non valid wake up times but find my blood boils once they start accumulating; not only am I beyond exhausted but I am frightened because my child (and we) never gets a good night's sleep and I don't know why. He doesn't eat candy or have caffeine, he gets a moderate amount of exercise. He ends up cranky during the day and I can barely function. Not to mention he shares a wall with his baby sister, who he inevitably wakes up as the noise escalates. Last night, as Gia howled in her room from being woken up, I had him back in his bed and he asked through tears "are you going to lock me in my room?" and I died a little. I know I've threatened that a couple times in the past, when he's crept out of his room for the 100th time, as in "if you come out one more time, I'm going to lock your door." But I never have. So there in the dark I answered him solemnly: "No. I will never lock you in your room, but Gia is crying and I need you to stay in your bed." To which he calmed down and finally did (for a little while, anyways). But I lay in bed awake for hours afterwards, horrified that this child recalled what I threatened in desperation just a couple times before. I won't say it again, though I might think it, and I pray the memory of it fades quickly in his mind.

xo